Obedience in Relationships

Relationship

I believe one of the biggest problems the unchurched have with religion is all of its rules. And let’s face it, if us Christians are being honest with ourselves, we know what they’re talking about. In my morning men’s group a friend of mine said something that really resonated with me. He stated, “Irrational changes only lead to regret”. That is so true. I’ve seen countless people come to Christ, make changes or give things up because someone else is telling them to, and then, because of the pressure to follow the rules, they end up falling away from Christ. Which leads us to this question…

Is it reasonable for God to have expectations?

In every healthy relationship changes are always necessary. These necessary changes are not, “The Rules of Relationship” but rather, the willingness to love the other person in they way they need to be loved. The same goes for our relationship with Christ. But again, is it reasonable for God to have expectations? Yes, because all love relationships do, and if we love him, we will be willing to grow into change with him. Jesus said in John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commands.” Maybe it’s that we don’t like the word “commands”. Before getting to hung up on the word “commands”, ask yourself these questions; “what are the commands, why are they made, and are they reasonable”? When Jesus was approached by a young lawyer and asked “what is the great commandment?”, Jesus simply replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.” To me, that sounds like something every good parent would require of their children. The reason it’s called a command is that it’s not optional, ever! Some say though that they want nothing to do with God because he’s an irrational tyrant. If we really look at the Bible and the requests God makes in it, his commands and punishments are really not any different than most parents. In all good parenting situations the punishment typically fits the crime. If you were to come home and find that your children had not only neglected their chores and homework, but also had gotten into a huge fight and during the scuffle broke several valuable items around the house, would you be considered an irrational tyrant for being upset and giving your children strong discipline? Of course not! When you’re in a loving relationship there’s not one scenario when love doesn’t have expectations, and when those expectations are not met, adjustments and correction are needed, and in extreme cases, demanded.

How To be a Good Christian

I will admit though, being a good Christian is easier said than done. As odd as this may sound, it’s due to the fact that God doesn’t punish us in the moment for our wrong doings. As it turns out, he typically allows the consequences of our poor choice to deal out their own blows. If we lie and get caught, people no longer trust us. If we get angry and hurt someone, we go to jail. Life punishes us when we misbehave, not God. At some point though, we just decide to stop being selfish, buckle down, and do the right thing, because that’s what the relationship is asking for. There’s an old ancient Chinese proverb that says this, “The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step” and that’s what many of us need to do, just be willing to take that first step towards a healthy relationship with God. Not based off of fear, but love. Jesus said in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

Letting Go of Fear

The best part of letting go of fear and living in love, is that new ministry always becomes available to the willing and obedient. Not because obedience makes God happy, but rather the desire to be close to him will produce changes in you that will inevitably make you more healthy, and that makes God happy. There are so many people trapped in fear who don’t know how to be set free. God is needing those who understand the freedom of love to help set those captive free. Will you be one of those or will you continue to allow fear to control and dominate your life? “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:8.

Man’s Work VS. God’s Work


Mans Work

The best way to define “mans work” is when he gets it into his heart to set his own course for what he feels is right. He then starts setting up justifications for that course so as not to feel like he’s wrong in his ways. He also will frequently boast, if only to himself, of his Godly exploits, so as to convince himself that God too approves of his labors. He will shirk the responsibilities of true Godly work, as they require consecration, and he doesn’t much care for that notion. Where this becomes most treacherous though, is that he is thoroughly convinced he is completely in the will of God. So much so that he will even become disagreeable and angry with anyone who points out the flaws in his charter. For this man, his journey will be wrought with pain, and at times, even torment, because in the deepest parts of this man lies rebellion, and rebellion stands exactly opposite of the nature of God.

Gods Work

Godly work however is often path of loneliness. Most times, friends are scarcely found when this work is being done. Many a man wants little to do with the fires of that forge because the heat alone reminds them of there own need of a savior. This is where the justifications of, “needing to be like the world to win the world” is shed and the need to be made whole in the ways of Godliness enter him. The fear that’s brought on by the rejection of peers melts away as this man begins to care more for what God measures him by than what popular opinion would. The justifying phrase, “I’m not perfect and it’s ridiculous to ever think that I could be” is no longer used, because the meaning of true perfection is understood. Perfection being that which is made whole in God’s love, and then shared with compassion and mercy to all who God would bring you in contact with. This work is not for the faint of heart, but rather for the heart that has been made strong by deep desire. Desire to please God, to be close to him no matter the cost, and to be obedient in all things.

This mans path will also be difficult, but not for the same reason as the man who does his own work. The Godly man, like a trained soldier, will endure the hardships of trails arranged by God. Tests of patience, courage, and peace will lay in wait around many bends in his road. Not to punish or to beat him into submission as many men say of God, but rather to teach him the ways of humanity, and to shape his heart into that of love. This work can only be claimed by the man himself. No other man, nor even God himself, can set him on this path. It must be chosen freely, and the cost counted and willing to be paid in full. This path, the path of Godly work, it is the only path that will ever lead to peace.

The Fallen Soldier

God, in hopes to win back the heart of his fallen servant, will always send a faithful servant to give a warning and a promise. Many of those who have become slothful in heart have also become unwilling to take the message of repentance serious, thereby revealing a lack of their good character. In their hearts they have decided that the temporal things are more important than the blessings that God has in store for them. This is easy for many to do, as the unseen requires faith to obtain while the seen gives us instant gratification with little to no work. This is where Godly character is on trial because the slothful man is deciding between continuing on with man’s work, or picking up the responsibility of Gods work.

The Warning


If a man continues to ignore Gods offers, eventually, God will withdraw the offer and present it at a later time. But only after the man has been set on a path of hardships, teaching his character to be more God conscious. This path is full of thorns, thistles, and ditches. Many blessings that were received when he lived a Godly life will be robbed and stripped from him. Not because God is angry and no longer protects him, but because the end of, “that which seems right to a man” is always death.

“There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12

“Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith, without doubting, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” James 1:5-8

… and time flys by

I’m sure you’ve noticed for yourself that children are young one day and then teenagers the next. This was my experience with my first three kids. Honestly, it’s because I wasn’t very checked in with them, their lives, and their personal development. My life had far too many distractions for me to notice the daily details of my children’s development. If I’m being honest here, there are times I really beat myself up over this. I will say however, it’s really made me stop and take time for my three year old. I see her as Jacob saw Joseph, “the child of my old age”. She’s my special gift, and because of that, I don’t want to miss the daily details.

The reality is, when something isn’t a special gift to us we tend to miss the details. This in turn makes time fly right by us without any real meaning. We will catch the details of our hobbies, video games, movies and TV, the gym and our body, or even our own work place, and all the while the true gifts in our lives are left unopened. This was my life for about 40 years, but not anymore. God used pain and regret to open my eyes and wake me up. Pain can be a strong teacher, and unfortunately most of the time pain is what it takes to wake us up to the reality that life is passing us by. We move through life in a daze, unaware, and even irritated by, the very best gifts we could ever be given.

Unfortunately I don’t have a soft and easy answer for this, other than it’s selfishness alive and well within us all. It’s the reason why I put ministry over my family. I tried to convince myself that God was in the midst of it all, but if you were to ask my kids, I’m sure their answer would be much different. It even cost me my marriage. I guarantee my wife at the time wasn’t thanking God that I was gone again, “doing the Lords work”. This all happened while I was pastoring by the way.

Us humans are so quick to justify our selfish behavior and then force those around us to pay the price for it. I still do it! I’m better about it, but my God, I am selfish. I see it in the small things I do and say. The call I promised to make and then didn’t because I wanted to do something else. Of course then I use the excuse, “I was really busy!” But it’s really just a selfish lie to get the person to not make me feel bad about the promise I’ve broken.

If you’re honest with yourself you’ll see the same traits within you. It could be that you too have lost something that was valuable to you because of it. The real question is, “what are you going to do about it?” The best gifts in your life are most likely still unopened. The best prayer time you’ve ever had still waits for you. The deepest secret you have to learn from the Bible is still there waiting to be discovered. The hug that warms your heart to the deepest parts is still waiting to be received. The, “I love you so much” from the one you want to hear it most is still waiting to be said to you.

You can have all of this, but it will require one thing, you have to stop being so selfish. Or, you can continue on with regret constantly nagging at your mind as life passes you by. Jealousy will be your friend as you see others around you having those prayer times, finding those secrets, receiving those hugs, and hearing the I love you’s. You’ll hate your life as you hold on to it, but you can learn to love it as you let go.

Jesus said in Matthew 10:39, “If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.”

My View of the Amazing Easter Story

To be honest, I’m amazed that God is a God of second chances. When he created everything and decided how it would all work, it truly amazes me that he made room for mercy. Any master craftsmen would most likely discard any material he works with that is marred and ugly. But not God, he continues to put love and mercy on display. This amazes me! It would be easy to say, “well, when God created humans he already knew the future so he knew we would need forgiveness”, but I’d say, “because he already knew the future before creating us failing humans, he could have scrapped the idea of us all together, but he didn’t, he went with us + mercy instead.” Again, amazing! He could have avoided so much pain by not creating us, but then he wouldn’t have gotten what he wanted most, and that is free will love. He longs for it! So much so that he created mercy so he could have it from us. For the third time I say, amazing! The creator God of the universe decided to die for his failing creation so he could share his love with us. Wow, now that is an amazing Easter story!

Addictions, You Too Can Win

I too have dealt with the power of addictions, and like you, have found that there is no easy way out. If there were, we wouldn’t have so many facilities to go to, or programs to try. This shouldn’t discourage us though, because with God all things are possible. I want to share my experience of how I overcame the addictions in my life, and how you can too. The process is easy to understand but will be difficult to apply if you choose to make it so. Some well intentioned people will tell you that recovery is going to be a long dark path, and that it may take years to overcome. They also my say things like, “once an addict always an addict”. But this just isn’t true. The Bible assures us in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” You can be made new, but the choice is up to you.

Here’s how I overcame addictions.

The first step I had to take was the one of honesty. I had to be willing to admit that I was selfish and that I needed help to stop hurting both myself and those around me with my selfishness. This is called repentance. Repentance isn’t about paying for your sins, or begging God to give you a second chance. It’s about recognizing that you can’t do it on your own, and that you need God’s help to save you from your selfish ways. I went to God and said, “Lord, I’m so sorry I’ve let my life become such a mess, but I can’t fix this on my own, so whatever you have to do to free me from these additions, please do it.” And the process began! It was less than 3 months and I was free.

What It Takes To Walk in Freedom

It took me coming to a point where I was willing to vow that these things would never have a place in my life again. But first, it took a step of courage and faith that my week and selfish flesh didn’t want to take. It took a willingness to overcome the fear of who I would be without the addictions. I took the leap, made the vows, and have never looked back. Remember, it didn’t start with the vows, it started with the prayer. After that it became about the willingness on my part to change, and then God brought me to the place of the vows. He can and will do the same for you if you’re willing to ask, and then be willing to change.

The Changes

The changes begin when we admit, ask for help, and than be willing to do what we are shown. Many addicts remain addicts because when the answer of chance is revealed to them they say no. They try and convince themselves that the change isn’t necessary for their freedom. They try and convince themselves that the two are unrelated. Let’s just call this what it is, laziness. But remember, laziness is just another form of selfishness, and if you are unwilling to let go of selfishness then you will never be set free. God will start with bite size choices that you can make, but still have to be willing to. Making good choices will start the process of proving to yourself that you can get personal victories in your life, and once you get the taste of victory, you’ll want more. I promise!!

Will You Relapse?

Only if your vows didn’t mean that much to you when you made them. Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 is very clear on how God feels about your vows, “When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.” Remember, selfishness is what you have been giving into this whole time, not the actual addictions themselves. So the real question you need to ask yourself is, “am I allowed to be selfish again?” The answer is “No!” If you love yourself and the people you have been hurting, NO, you don’t get to relapse! This is why it’s so important that you realize you are a new person, the old one is now dead. If it’s dead than you’ll have to go back to the graveyard with a shovel and dig that nasty thing back up again. The Bible teaches that it’s “as a dog returns to its vomit.” Seriously, I can not understand the reason people would teach that you may relapse from time to time. So it’s ok to put love on hold then? To go back to your vomit, and lick it back up again? Your loved ones are supposed to be understanding of this when it happens from time to time? You’re ok with this being “part of the process”? Read carefully the words of Jesus “Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” John‬ ‭8:36‬. The answer is easy, admit you need help, ask God for it, and then when he shows you the path, get on it, tough choices and all. Then, make your vows and NEVER look back! “But what if I relapse, is there no hope then?” Of course there’s still hope, there always is. But don’t expect your loved ones to stick around and keep forgiving you for licking your vomit back up and coming home smelling like the dead body you dug back up. Selfishness ALWAYS has a price tag, you already know that. So don’t make an excuse to go back to it.

I’m going to pray for you right now so that you too can find the strength to pray your own prayer.

“Jesus, you see the soul who is reading this right now. You see the pain, the shame, and the guilt that they live with everyday. You have heard all the prayers that they have already prayed, and it’s because of these prayers that they are stilling here right now reading this. You are here in this moment with us, reminding us that the promise of freedom is for all, not just for some. In your amazing plan for freedom you will not only help us to become free from addictions, but you will also give us the strength to confront the people we have hurt with our addictions. Help us not to forget that you are here now, and you will continue to be here as freedom from addictions begins. You Lord, will never leave us or forsake us, no not to the ends of the earth. David said, “if I make my bed in hell you are there” and this is where you find me right here and now. Thank you for the help you have already given me and for the help are willing to give as I go forward. I know the path to freedom is only one step away. Lord, Psalms 65:3 promises, “Though we are overwhelmed by our sins, you forgive them all.” It’s this promise we claim, and‬ it’s in your name Jesus that we put these addictions in your hands. Amen.”

The Thing About Righteousness

Getting caught up in desiring to be righteous can be a very tricky thing. What I mean is, wanting to do what is right simply because it’s righteous isn’t going to get us very far. Believe it or not that’s exactly what the religious leaders of Jesus’s day were doing. If we are going to have genuine and pure righteousness we must first understand what Godly love is, and once we learn to apply this love, then righteousness will flow freely from us.

As crazy as this may sound, many people try to belittle themselves into being righteous, but obtaining righteousness this way will be short lived and never enjoyed. Negative never produces positive. First, you must KNOW that God loves you both deeply, and immeasurably. Then, learn to let that love flow from you to others. Once we can make these two steps a part of our daily routine, we no longer beg God to make us righteous because it will be an automatic byproduct of our peace, and not something we are trying to beat ourselves into.

Soils Of The Heart

Four Types Of Hearts

There’s a story Jesus tells in Matthew chapter 13 about four types of hearts. He tells us this story to show us what type of heart is on display within our own lives.

The Path

The first is the heart like a path. This heart is so trampled down by life’s struggles that it can’t receive anything good, and as a result, Satan comes quickly and steals all the good that’s been placed there.

Rocky Ground

The second is the heart that’s like rocky ground. This heart receives the good for only a moment, but when tough times come, the good dies out quickly.

Thorny Ground

The third heart is the thorny ground. At first, these also chose to do good for God, but concern for riches, and their worries about life caused the good to fade out and eventually die.

The Good Ground

The fourth is the good ground. These grow into a strong faith and remain dedicated to Christ, no matter difficult times that come their way. They remain faithful, true, and loving, even when others don’t love them in return. They forgive, and then let go of the offense. They give and expect nothing in return. These are the good soil.

Distractions

Notice all the distractions that make for a bad heart? These distractions represent our choices, and when the heartaches of life comes our way, the choices we make shape us. When temptation arise and we want recognition, our actions define us.

We Choose

We are the ones who choose to be the man or woman God as called us to be, not God, not Satan. And when we make the choice to serve God, we are not only choosing it for ourselves, but we are also choosing it for our loved ones, our co-workers, our friends, and yes even neighbors. We will either choose right living, or we will justify why it’s, “too hard to be Christlike” or, “not convenient at this time”. The fact is, we never justify any lack of love or kindness that someone else should show to us in our lives, so why do we justify holding ourselves to a lesser standard than that of what love is asking us to do?

Remember, you decide what type of soil is in your heart, and that choice, it’s what you’re living with right now.

Is Your Faith As Good As You Think It Is?

Faith in Perspective

What Does True Faith Look Like?

Our faith is directly tied to our love for one another. The simple truth is this, If we don’t love others, we can not say that we have a deep rooted faith in Christ. Paul, in 1Cor 13:2 reminds us, “Even if I have the faith to move mountains but I don’t have love, I am nothing!” So as I ask God to increase my faith, he asks me to increase my love for others. By “others” I mean, those who are different than you, not just those in your religious circles or neighborhood.

Some Believe They Are Saved Simply By Keeping Religious Laws

As tough as this may be to come to grips with, of those who kept religious laws in order to be saved, Jesus asked these questions; “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:32-36.

Perverting The Message Of Love

Some believe that loving others means, “to accept their lifestyle”, no matter if the Bible declares it a sin or not. This is simply not true love. Godly love is intended to turn us from a life of sin, not accept it and then call it Godly. Paul, in Romans 2:4 said this, “Can’t you see that Gods kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?” To love a sinner is to help save them from their sin, not cover it up with justifications. This outrageous sin has crept into the church and perverted the message of Love. There are those among us, as good intentioned as they may seem, that have slowly perverted the message of love by accepting sin and calling a Godly lifestyle. Again I say, this is not Love! Jesus refers to them as “wolves in sheep’s clothing” Matthew 7:15. The true message of love is this… “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14. Don’t let yourself believe that you are helping someone by justifying their sin, or they will only continue to stay isolated from freedom. However, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Love Leads To Faith

So faith is the result of love! And why is that? 1 John 4:19 sums it up by saying this; “We love each other because he loved us first.”

Counting The Cost

Count the cost

In Luke 14:28 we are told that before we set out on a journey it’s always a good idea to, “count the cost”. However, at some point we should move beyond “counting the cost” and start allowing the relationship to driven by love, trust, and respect.

If in marriage of 20 years either the husband or the wife are still counting the cost and asking themselves questions like, “am I still willing to be in this marriage?” Or, “am I willing to no longer be with someone else?” Or, “am I ready to start trusting my spouse?” There’s a problem! Love and trust don’t ask these questions, inexperience does.

If you’re still at the place where you’re counting the cost, it’s time for a love and faith adjustment. We need to let go of trying to see what we can get out of this relationship with Christ and start truly giving back to him. Healthy relationships trust. Do you trust God? Healthy relationships respect. Do you respect God?

Stop counting the cost and start enjoying the relationship.

The One About Forgiveness

Forgiveness

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful things known to man. Imagine if God didn’t completely forgive us, but instead made us constantly pay for our wrong doings. We would live life in a perpetual state of dread and despair. Or, imagine if God were like us, forgiving only the minor offenses but keeping record of the bigger ones. How different our lives would be. Forgiveness is so powerful that in some cases it can actually bring physical healing to a sick body. Remember the Bible story of the lame man let down trough the hole in the roof? Jesus looked at him and said, “your sins are forgiven, take up your bed and walk.” He didn’t address the physical problem, but instead addressed the spiritual need, and by doing so his physical body was healed.

Forgiveness can Expose

The need for forgiveness is so deep within many of us that it will cause some to spend their entire lives in pursuit of it. Remember the story of Mary the prostitute? The moment she came in contact with Jesus she poured on him her greatest possession, the one she had spent her lifetime saving. She then further showered her love on him by cleaning his feet with her tears and drying them with her hair. Her actions not only brought healing to herself but also caused the bitterness in both Peter’s heart, and the others in the room, to be exposed. They were so upset at what she was doing that they tried to bring even more shame on her by saying, “master, if you only knew what type of woman were touching you!” To which Jesus replied, “Do you see this woman? When I came into your house, you gave me no water for my feet, but she washed my feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. You gave me no kiss of greeting, but she has been kissing my feet since I came in. You did not put oil on my head, but she poured perfume on my feet. I tell you that her many sins are forgiven, so she showed great love. But the person who is forgiven only a little will love only a little.” Wow, their selfish righteous attitudes were not only exposed, but shown that they too needed forgiveness. I’m so thankful that this is the God we serve, one of forgiveness of all sin. Maybe it’s time you receive some of your own.

I want to leave you with one of my favorite scriptures.
“He has remembered his promises for ever, the word which he commanded to a thousand generations.” Psalm 105:8

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About “The Truth”

The Bible tells us pretty plainly, “you will know the truth and the truth will set you free” John 8:32. However, it’s been my experience that, “sharing the truth” is not always so cut and dry. The Bible says about itself, “The letter kills but the spirit gives life” 2 Corinthians 3:6. So in other words, be careful how you use the truth because sometimes, it can do more damage than good. Not that the truth should ever be denied, but that when it’s given it’s only out of love, and meant to heal. Yesterday, I had a young man as ask if he should tell his catholic grandma that the pope isn’t really the mouth of God. I asked him, is your grandma asking you questions about God, or saying that she feels like she’s missing something? He said no, so I said then you’ll only be picking a fight if you say such things. The Bible also reminds us to “be as wise as a serpent but as harmless as a dove”, Matthew 10:16. It’s impossible to be harmless when your tearing people apart with the truth. If there’s ever a question in your mind as to when and how you should share the truth, remember this, the truth will always display the fruits of the spirit; love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

The Truth